I Let Go

Anxiety has been overwhelming me for the last 7 months. While I have done an okay job of masking it (at times there was just no containing it) it has truly been affecting me in my daily life. From being distracted and unproductive at work, to worrying about it on a daily basis, to feeling like I was failing, my life has been overcome with it. I was gong to explain where the anxiety was focused but just thinking about it, stresses me out. Let's just say, it has to do with these two little ladies:



Let's just say that they don't have the most upstanding of parents. Dad uses them as pawns in his games, Mom, while I do believe she loves them, really would rather be out partying and having fun than to be home taking care of them and spending time with them. To give you an idea, mothers day: She has them since it is MOTHER'S DAY... she leaves them with my grandparents and goes out so her friends can take her out for dinner for mother's day. I know it isn't just me, that thinks that is messed up. Anyway, for the majority of the year, I was worried sick about them and where they were going to be and there was NOTHING I could do, except pray. And I know that is huge, but when you want to get up and physically do something
(or knock someone upside the head) it makes it really hard to give the situation over to God.

Things were getting really bad for me just before I went on my trip in May. I decided that while, I was gone, I wouldn't think about the bad aspects of the situation at all. For the most part, I didn't. For 2 weeks, I focused on my friends and myself. I enjoyed my trip. Although I did miss those two girls terribly (went a month without seeing them and THAT was rough). The break did me good. Shortly after I returned, I finally told my cousin (Mom) that I was sick and tired of her saying she was going to do something and then doing NOTHING. She didn't fight, she didn't care and it ticked me off!!! And I let her know that too. After, that, I decided, that I wasn't going to worry about it. I can't worry about it. I let go and Let GOD. All I can do is PRAY. And I have been doing a lot of that for them. Even though the divorce and custody is all finished, things can change, quick. I pray for their safety when they are with dad, I don't trust him and it scares the heck out of me to know that he is "responsible" for them. When they are with mom, they are living at my grandparents and I know for a fact they are safe there. But when they are with dad, I pray that God will protect them and that they will always know that they are loved by so many. If you feel it on your heart to pray for them, those prayers would be appreciated and I know God will hear them.

Show Us Where You Live

I haven't been participating in this but when I saw that it was bathrooms, I actually wanted to jump in here. I redid my bathroom recently and I love it so much that I actually love to share it. The color is a little extreme but LOVE it. I still have to do the floor, I want to tile it but that is a cost that I decided to wait to spend. I actually started with the shower curtain and went from there. My friends in Florida gave me the little guy on the counter as a gift (it was a bunch of stuff to make me think of the beach here in landlocked Colorado) and I thought I would complete the look and have a couple. On the wall that isn't shown, I used robe hooks in place of a towel rod. It's so much easier than the rod. I have a canvas painting I picked up in the Caribbean that I want to get stretched and framed that I plan on hanging above the hooks. Enjoy!

Bullseye

That is what I am now convinced I have on my car. My sweet beloved Honda. I got it in July 2006, my first brand new car. I had to wait 6 weeks for it to come in from the factory. In November, a mere 4 months after I got her, someone ran into my rear drivers side door when I was turning into the parking lot at work. I had to drive a rental car for a month while it was in the body shop. Fast forward to the summer of 2007, I went out to leave for work and there was a huge crack in the windshield! I had to pay over $350 for a new windshield. December that same year I had been at the movies and when I got outside and had the heater running and proceeded to watch the windshield crack all the way across the bottom. I cried thinking about how much it would cost me yet again, right before Christmas no less. Since the crack was at the bottom, I put it off... For over a year. I finally got it fixed in February his year. This morning I was driving to work and a big truck kicked up a rock from the road and it hit my windshield putting a big old chip in it. I was soooooo mad! I leave for my road trip in a mere 2 weeks. I really can't afford to be paying for a new windshield now and I certainly can't be driving cross country with a cracked windshield. Thank goodness it didn't crack before I could get the glass company to repair it. Now I am just praying that the bullseye will stay away from me while driving the open road!

Wordless Wednesday

Manic Monday

So I'm gonna give this daily blogging thing a shot. If I don't have anything to talk about, I will use some of the many blog meme's that are out there. Monday's will be Manic Monday. Here we go...

Are you a saver or a spender?

Unfortunately I would fall under the category of a spender. I am usually spending on trips or gifts. I figure at this point in my life, I don't have responsibilities such as children. I am going to enjoy my life while I am young. There are so many things in life to experience that unfortunately require money... Don't get me wrong, I am not a shopaholic or anything, I just like to take the little bit of extra money I have and either fly off for a long weekend in FL or buy a little something for someone special.

Do you prefer to walk around barefoot in your home? Shoes? Socks?

The minute I walk in the door, the shoes come off. In the winter, I keep socks on (my feet get really cold), in the summer, I even try to wear shoes with as little fabric/straps as possible. If I could, I would only wear flip flops in the summer, unfortunately that is not a fesible option since I do have to go to work...

Do you talk to yourself?

Not really. If I am frustrated I will but in general I don't.

iPod Touch giveaway

Katja is giving away and iPod touch over at Skimbaco Lifestyle go check it out!

Desperate Plea for Prayer

Please pray for my cousins upcoming court date on Monday.
Specifically pray for:
The judge to listen to both sides and see the untruths that are being told.
My cousin to be strong, stand up for herself and fight for her little girl who is the one who is really being hurt in all this.
My grandmother who hopes to be able to speak in court and testify to the reality of the situation and the negative impact this is all having on a precious little girl who needs to be kept safe.
That I can take the time off work Monday morning to be able to be there to not only possibly speak but to be a part of the support system my cousin so desparately needs to have behind her right now.
That the father tells no more lies to manipulate the system to hurt my cousin.
That our family can be strong through this.
That the little girl in the middle of what is possibly going to be a very ugly custody battle, will stay safe, happy and soon be in a home where she can be joyful, and not afraid.

Disney, the big 3-0 and Caitlin Maree

One really has nothing to do with the other, just thinking about both of them tonight. First I leave for Disneyland in California in 3 days. I am really excited, although the trip coming up means one thing... my birthday is soon too. I never really thought that I would mind turning 30, but right now I am not so happy about it. I never in my wildest dreams would have thought I would still be single, childless and still living at home at this time in my life. I really do want to just stay 29 for a bit longer. I told my grandpa tonight that if I could stay 29, he could stay 77, and not have to turn 80 in a few years. If only that were a plan either one of us could stick to. I REALLY, REALLY DO NOT WANT TO BE 30!!!! I am taking my laptop with me so I am hoping to blog on it daily, and I will be able to post pictures too. Nothing real exciting but for those who would like to join me, come along...

Daydreamer in the House of the Mouse

On a much happier note... I just want to say... Caitlin Maree, we cannot wait to meet you and love you for the rest of your life, but if you could please do me a big favor and make sure you don't come early and wait at least until I am back from California.

Wonder of Christmas

The Girl Effect

Florida Here I Come!

Well, I am finally making another trip to Florida this year. I am going through withdrawl here. It kind of came up quickly, I found a great deal, cleared it with my friend and I leave in just over 3 weeks for a long weekend in Florida. It might actually be cold here by then so it will be a nice break from the winter weather and a great visit with friends I miss so very much! Can't wait to see you all!!!!

I'm Back

Well, I am back from my Ireland trip and I am slowly getting back into the swing of things. For a few days I kept waking up really early, as early as 4am and having a hard time getting back to sleep. Today I did not wake up until my alarm started going off so that was great. However, I am exhausted today. I am thinking about my next big trip... I would love to go back to Ireland and do Northern Ireland but I am thinking in the back of my mind, that I may try to do some New Zealand and Australia. The trip would be a minimum of 2 weeks though. I have looked at the tours Trafalgar has, and I don't know that I am going to be willing to spend that kind of money. So I am just kind of looking at what I can do on my own. I figure they speak English there and I will probably not do a lot of driving since you really have to fly to get places. I will have to look into what their public transportation systems are like to see if that would be a viable option in the cities. If I have to, I will just do Australia but if I am going to be down there, I may as well just get them both done. It is a long flight and an expensive one at that so I would like to see as much as possible when I make the trip. I am going to pick up some guide books and see what kind of itinerary I would like to start thinking about. This would be a big trip and will be planned carefully and probably not happen for at least 2 years. I will keep you posted though. Plans can and do change frequently with me until the tickets are bought and paid for. Until then, I am looking forward to my trip to Disneyland in January. Maybe I will do a blog for that one too!

Trip blog

Well, I am headed for Ireland in about 6 weeks. I started a blog for the trip. Not much to look at right now. But I am hoping to be able to blog while I am over there. That all depends on 1)How tired I am in relation to what time the wake-up call is the next morning (some are gonna be pretty early) and 2)How easy it is for me to find a computer to use since I won't be taking mine. Check it out...
Daydreamer in Ireland

Bullet post

This seems to be a trend in the blog world lately so I am going to give it a shot...

-My final payment for my trip to Ireland is due in a couple weeks.
-I need to start making purchases for the trip.
-Reference above, I started those purchases today...I got a new rain jacket...


and a new pair walking shoes...


-I need to figure out if I need any new clothes to take with me.
-I want to pack as light as possible so I want to do a practice run with the packing. Maybe next weekend.
-I made final plans for my birthday trip. I am going to California, to spend my 30th birthday with Mickey Mouse and friends.
-Libby is going to be a big sister... That is an entire post in and of itself.
-My dog poisoned herself, eating 2 entire boxes of dCon, rat poison last Saturday night. We made an emergency trip to the vet and she will probably be okay. We'll know more in a couple weeks but for now she is doing well.

I think that is all for now. I will leave you now with a couple pictures from the trip to Glenwood Springs with Libby.

Travel dreams

I haven't really posted much lately. I really wish I had more motivation to get more consistent with this. Maybe one day. For now I will just post whenever and however often I want. Here I am just 4 months away from jetting off to Ireland. I have a bit more to pay on my trip and in addition to that I have to figure out a way to come up with spending money. I am sure it will all work out in the end. In the meantime, I am busy planning and dreaming for my next couple trips. First off, when my friends B&D finally get settled somewhere I am going to go for a visit with them. I miss them terribly. But until that happens, I am planning my trip for my birthday. Since I had originally hoped to be in Europe for my birthday (cost is what made that not happen), I am now seriously thinking I am going to spend that week at Disneyland in California. I haven't been there in a few years and I have really been wanting to make it out there for a visit. So long as things work out, if I can have at least one person with me, it will be really affordable. I am thinking though with airfare so unstable lately, I really should get those plane tickets booked soon. I found them at a great price. Last but not least, I am starting to consider planning a trip to Hawaii either Fall 2009 or early 2010. I don't know yet. I really loved it there last year and I really want to make to back there and spend some more time in one place. I have such a long list of places I want to visit. I don't know that I will ever be able to tackle the whole list in my lifetime. All I can do is try my hardest. Well, I am off to bed to dream...

Charlie Bit Me

Happy 4th of July... I think

Okay, this is going to sound really bad. But I am not all that crazy about this holiday. I think it is a combination of things. First off, it is in the middle of summer and it is blazing hot out. I HATE the heat. I sometimes think I should be living in Alaska, or Antarctica. Somewhere cold like that. Second... fireworks... Don't get me wrong, I love me a great professional show where they have all the good ones. However, I never really understood the people in the neighborhoods setting them off. To begin with, most of the good ones that some people purchase, are illegal in the state of Colorado. These bozos drive up to Wyoming to get these things. They are breaking the law, and wasting all that gas, which comeon lets be real, is more valuable than gold these days, all to buy something that they are going to light on fire, and they usually aren't that good to begin with. If you want some good fireworks go to a professional show and see some good ones. I haven't been able to see a great fireworks show in a few years. I tried to see one while I was in Florida last year, but it was so windy they cancelled the show. But I am one of those lucky ones who have a dog who is terrified of the noises they make. Don't usually get a lot of sleep on the 4th. Or the night before. Last night some bozo was setting them off (the illegal ones) in the neighborhood at 1:30 in the morning. I would love to go up to them and stuff one of them up their.... Happy 4th of July!!!!

A Bit of R&R... at Least That's the Idea

I am away for three days in Glenwood Springs. For those who don't know, it is a hot springs town in the mtns of Colorado and they have a huge pool that uses natual spring water from the local hot springs. The water comes out of the spring at about 122 degrees but for obvious reasons, they do cool it with fresh water. My family has been coming up here for years... since my dad was a kid. When I was younger, the whole family would load up in their cars and drive up for a 3 day break. You swim all day and when not in the water, you just hang out by the pool munching on cookies, chips, and whatever other junk food you may desire. Well, the family stopped coming up here awhile back. Everyone just got so busy as us kids were all getting older. We all usually make it up here about once a year, just not all together. We are fortunate enough this year, we have my cousins little girl with us. She is a complete beauty and I absolutely adore her. I hope to get some fun pictures while we are here but it will take me a little while to get them up on here. Well, I am off for a night of sleep so that I am ready and refreshed for a day at the pool tomorrow!!!

Friday's Feast

It's been awhile since I feasted and I thought I would partake this week.
 
Appetizer
When someone smiles at you, do you smile back?
 
Of course... unless I am having a bad day.
 
Soup
Describe the flooring in your home.  Do you have carpet, hardwood, vinyl, a mix?
 
Mostly carpet... an ugly brown carpeting.  The kitchen and bathrooms are all linoleum... that is shrinking and so it is pulling apart at the seams as well and the walls and it is disgusting.  I would love to put hardwood in the kitchen and ceramic tiles in the bathrooms and entryways.
 
Salad
Write a sentence with only 5 words, but all of the words have to start with the first letter of your first name.
 
Rabbits run round red raspberries.
 
Main Course
Do you know anyone whose life has been touched by adoption?
 
Yes, many.  My own to begin with.  I have two cousins who are adopted and I myself am considering adoption.
 
Dessert
Name 2 blue things.
 
The sky and... the ocean.  Two of my favorite things.

Dreaming... and hoping

So I have only just been back from San Francisco (still haven't sat down and gone through all my pictures, better things to do lately... like sleep), and I am already dreaming of my next trip to plan. I'm not talking about Ireland either (which I am going in October). Well, not only have I already booked hotel and kennel for the dogs for my parents and I to get away to Glenwood Springs at the end of June, but I have been furiously researching hotels and such for us to all go to Hawaii together for about a week and a half. I am hoping that we may be able to island hop and see all of the larger islands. I had such a great time when I went last year... was getting ready to head home a year ago tomorrow. I really wished I'd had more time to spend there and see more. I would like my parents to go with me too. I am serious when I say that I would move there... but the financial aspect prevents me from doing that. How could I possibly enjoy living there if I had to work 2+ jobs just to get by and that wouldn't leave me any extra to travel with. Just not realistic. I read a blog and the authors family travels to Maui every year. It is so beautiful and I have to admit, I am jealous... So now I am off to dream and hope that it is possible for me to do this with my parents.