I've Come to Realize... there is a pattern in my life lately.

I've come to realize that my body is... getting older.

I've come to realize that my job is... not what I want to do the rest of my life

I've come to realize that I need nothing more in life than... God

I've come to realize that I've lost my mind... and I sometimes wonder if I will ever get it back

I've come to realize that I hate... death and loss

I've come to realize that money is... a crutch, more money will not make me happy.

I've come to realize that certain people... aren't necessary in my life

I've come to realize that I'll always remember... my dad.

I've come to realize that my sibling... doesn't exist.

I've come to realize my mom... is one of my best friends.

I've come to realize my dad... meant more to me than life itself, and I miss him more than words can express

I've come to realize my cell phone... has a picture of my dad that I had forgotten I had.

I've come to realize when I woke up this morning... I wanted to stay in bed.

I've come to realize last night... I missed my dad.

I've come to realize right now I'm thinking about... my dad.

I've come to realize today... is another day that I will miss my dad.

I've come to realize tonight... I am missing my dad.

I've come to realize tomorrow... I will miss my dad...still

I've come to realize I really want to... talk to my dad.

I've come to realize my children... will never know my dad.

I've come to realize this weekend... will be hard, cause my dad isn't here.

I've come to realize the best music to listen to when I'm upset... is music that reminds me that I will see my dad again, on the other side of heaven.

I've come to realize that my friends... will stick by my side through the tough times.

I've come to realize that this year... couldn't possibly get any worse... at least it better now.

I've come to realize my husband... will never know my dad.

I've come to realize maybe I should... take time to spend as much time as possible with those I love, because you never know when they will be gone.

I've come to realize I really don't understand... why tragedy has to happen.

I've come to realize my past... is filled with memories of my dad.

I've come to realize parties... aren't the same without my dad.

I've come to realize my life... is unpredictable

This is me

I just thought I would thow myself into the mix over at Kelly's Korner on her "Show Us Your Singles" link up. I always find it akward to talk about myself but here goes nothing.

(me with my little cousin)

My name is Richann, I am 32 years old and live in the Denver area. I have lived in the area all my life with the exception of the time I spent in central Florida at a small Christian college. I believe that God has someone special for me in the world and I can't wait to meet him. Maybe this is the way God will bring us together.

(me on vacation in Mexico)

I love kids and can't wait to have a family of my own. In the meantime, I spend as much time as I can with my little cousin, I teach the 3 year old Sunday school class with my mom and I spoil my friends kids (who all call me Aunt Richann).

(on vacation in Hawaii)

I love to travel, read, watch movies and spend time in the outdoors. I am very fortunate to live near the mountains, and love to be able to just go for a drive and enjoy God's creation. If you know someone you think might be a good fit for me, leave me a comment. Let's see if God has something in store here.

Grandma

On Nov 9, 2010 Lois Fanning Barry Schwartz joined her beloved husband, William Robert Schwartz whom had passed away on Oct. 6, 2007. They are survived by 7 children, Robert Barry, Colleen Johnson (Paul), Linda Gilkey (Gary), Cheryl Lane (Mark), Kurtis Barry (Donna), Mark Schwartz (Susan) Jeanell Delon, 12 grandchildren, 9 great grandchildren & Lois’ brother, Richard.

Lois was born on Dec 27th of 1930 to Richard & Irene Fanning in Denver CO. She grew up in a loving home at Lincoln & Elsworth with her parents, a brother, her paternal Grandmother and a Cousin. She went to Sherman Elementary, Byers Jr. High, and graduated from South High in 1949. She then went to Barnes Business School where she met her first husband, Robert Barry. They were married in Feb. of 1951. In Dec of 1951 they had a son, Robert and she became a stay at home mom. In Feb of 1954 they had a daughter, Colleen and then they added another daughter, Linda in May of 1955. By this time the one bedroom attic apartment was overflowing and they bought a home in a new area of town call Athmar. In 1959 they made a move to Midland TX with Bobs’ company. The family moved back to the house in Athmar in Denver, which they had rented out while in TX, in 1960. In June of 1963 another son, Kurtis, was added to the family. Soon after this Lois & Bob were divorced and her children became her life. She had to go back to work and was working for a Temp Agency when in 1966 she was asked to go to a job at Cahners Publishing.

Even though both Bill & Lois had gone to the same Jr. High and High schools Lois was 7 years older then Bill so they had never met. After Bills’ divorce in 1972 while working at Cahners they would see each other in the halls and started working on different projects together. There was an attraction there but Bill had done nothing about it. So after a while Lois decided in 1978 to take the bull by the horns and ask Bill out. Right away he said yes. Lois asked him later why he had not asked her out and he said that he thought she was married and would never get in a situation like that. In June of 1979 they were married in a home they had purchased in Cherry Creek Vista with 6 of their 7 children present along with 2 grandchildren. Bill & Lois worked, traveled, hiked and loved their home together. They were the best of friends. They celebrated their 25th wedding anniversary with a garden party at their home with about 80 of their family & friends in June of 2004. In 2005 the first signs of cancer showed up in Bill. After a long battle he passed away in 2007. Bill was cremated and was waiting for Lois to join him.

In May of 2008 Lois sold the house in Cherry Creek Vista and moved to her new condo at Aspen Terrace in the Windcrest Retirement Community. Her condo was on the top floor with a balcony where she had a view of the beautiful mountains that she loved. The friends that she made there were invaluable to her. She loved to laugh & talk with her new old friends as she called them. They made her life a joy.

56 Days

That's how long there was between the day my grandma was diagnosed with cancer to her passing. 56 days... That's less than 2 months. Can I just say, CANCER SUCKS!!!!!!

How?

How do you want to find out your grandmother has died? I was asked this tonight. How do you answer a question like that? It was a valid question, one that I need to figure out the answer to. Cause it will happen and for me it is going to happen soon. My grandmother, my mother's mother, is dying. I have only had 6 weeks to wrap my head around it. She was diagnosed with advanced cancer 7 1/2 weeks ago. She decided not to fight it. Honestly, with as fast as it has gone, even if she did fight it, I don't believe it would have made any difference. I saw her 2 weeks ago at my cousins wedding reception, and while she was in a wheelchair, she still looked good, all things considered. It's hard to believe how quicly things have gone downhill. Yesterday afternoon, the family was told maybe a week, later last night, it was a few days. I cringe when the phone rings. Afraid that it is going to be the call. My mom asked me tonight what I wanted them to do if it happens while I am at work. I don't know what to say. I know what I want to say... "It's not going to happen so why ask." But I have to face reality, it is going to happen. Do I want a phone call? Do I want someone to come get me? There are many things in life we don't want to think about. This is one of them. And I better go figure it out. The situation is going to come sooner than later.

Teal Toes - Raising Ovarian Cancer Awareness

In preparation for my beach vacation, I went and got a pedicure today. I went out of my normal comfort zone and decided to paint my toes teal. I didn't really have any specific reason for it just that I wanted to do something a little different.

Well when I was checking the blogs I regularly read I came across a post about Teal Toes. September is Ovarian Cancer Awareness Month. Ovarian cancer is sometimes called the whispering killer. Too many women with ovarian cancer do not get diagnosed until their cancer has spread. Their survival rate is 45%. Survival rate improves greatly - to 93% - if the cancer is diagnosed at an early stage before it has spread. Only 19% of ovarian cancer cases are diagnosed at this local stage. Make sure you know what the symptoms are. There is so much attention placed on Breast Cancer awareness (don't get me wrong that is very important as well) but I thought that I would take the opportunity to help get the word out since I painted my toes teal...

Where does the time go?

Wow... it's been 6 months since I posted. In a way I feel like I have been really busy but at the same time, I feel like I have done nothing. Let's see... since I last posted in December I have done the Christmas thing, went on a trip to Mexico, turned 31, greived the fact that we didn't get to celebrate a special someone's first birthday, tragically lost a friend, flew my best friend out here to have a girls weekend, decided that my next really big trip will be next year to London/Paris, celebrated my cousins college graduation, and took a trip to Florida that was very much needed... not too much but some of those events were pretty significant. My trip to Mexico was amazing. My favorite part was my birthday. We went whale watching and got to see a mating group of three humpback whales and boy did they put on a show for us. An experience I will NEVER forget. January 16th would have been Caitie's 1st birthday. It still sometimes feels like it was just yesterday that I was visiting her in the hospital when she was born. The precious angel will be deeply missed and every January 16, will mark the special day that we were blessed with her. At times I feel cheated but then I remember how blessed we were to have known her for 7 1/2 months, and I thank God for every last day we did have with her. On March 17th, I received news that my roommate from my freshman year, had passed. She was pregnant with her 4th child and suffered a stroke. They were able to save the baby but they were unable to save Kylee. She had such an impact on so many lives. That was evident by the fact that there were nearly 1000 people at the celebration of her life and nearly 400 more viewing online. Not to mention the 1600+ who are on the facebook page celebrating the impact she had on so many. Kylee will be missed by many. I flew Dawn out here the end of March and we had a good time. We don't usually get the opportunity to visit just the two of us. The only times we have had the opportunity it was just moments in the evenings when I was visiting or when the kids were really little. I love the kids but there are times when it is nice to just spend some time with your friend. We got 2 whole days this time around. She flew in late on a Friday night and we spent Saturday up at Red Rocks in the snow. Then on Sunday we went and saw Mary Poppins which was here in Denver. It was so much fun and I look forward to being able to do that more often. One day we will hopefully be able to meet up somewhere fun like NYC or something. I finally decided that my next big trip will be a sojourn to London/Paris. And if things work out right, I will be joined by a friend. Planning on about 10 days, split between the two cities and doing it on a tight budget. If things work out right, I am hoping that between airfare and lodging it won't be much more than $1500. That is some serious budgeting when you think that the two cities are some of the most expensive cities to visit. I will post more details as they are worked out. The trip is more than a year away but I am so excited about it already. My cousin graduated college! He is the first of us and he is the youngest (unless you count the cousins who came along nearly 20 years after him). I am so proud of him and to tell you the truth he has inspired me a bit and I am considering going back to school and at least finishing up an associates degree. We will see how that works out. :0) The last significant event was my trip to Florida that I just went on last week. It was truly a week of relaxation. I spent a lot of time in the sun and in the water. It was so desperately needed as I was about to lose my mind with the day to day drama that I deal with anymore. Just wish the trip was a bit longer. Now to figure out when I get to go back...

Brrrr..... Need I say more?

Slashlight

Libby is a bit quirky. Although what little kid isn't, right? At my grandparents house, she keeps a "slashlight" in a basket on the back of the toilet for when she goes in there. She turns on the light, gets her little seat put on and the stool in place then turns the light off and uses her "slashlight" while she is using the restroom. Why she does this, I have no idea but it's so adorable.

Hooray, hooray, it's Thanksgiving Day!

I know that it is really the day after but I was exhausted when I finally got home last night that I didn't even turn my computer on. Hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving Day!

You See... I Have This Friend

I have this friend. She works with me. She is a real sweetheart. She is also going through a lot lately. She has a tendency to have moments of insecurity. What she needs... is the Lord. Leaning on my faith and the knowledge that God has a reason for everything in our lives, is what has gotten be through the last 2 1/2 months. I want my friend to know that peace, know that if she puts her situation in the hands of the Lord, everything will work out for the better. I have never been the type to be pushy with my faith. I witness through my actions. I have invited her to church many times. I feel that God has put her in my life for this reason. Maybe this isn't the only reason, but it is one of them. Praying for her to be receptive to giving not only her situation to the Lord but also her life. Her life would be so much more fulfilling.

Praise You In This Storm

I have been in a bit of a funk the last couple days. It is because I am missing this little girl:

We lost her 2 1/2 months ago. She would have turned 10 months ago yesterday. I think of the things we would be experiencing with her. She would be tasting new foods, standing up, cruising along the furniture, maybe even getting ready to walk. We will never know. I think about her everyday. I don't cry as much as I used to but every now and then I have a bad day and I just have myself a good cry. Casting Crowns (a Christian band) was on K-Love today and they played this song. I think it was appropriate for the way I have been feeling the last couple days.


Praise You In This Storm
by:Casting Crowns

I was sure by now
God You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen," and it's still raining.

But as the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God
Who gives and takes away

I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
Every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry
You raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can't find You

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God
Who gives and takes away

I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
Every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth
I life my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth

I'll praise you in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
Every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm.

I have come catching up to do...

I have been a real blog slacker lately. I don't really know why. I have kept myself super busy and time has flown by so much quicker than I can imagine. Where in the world did September and October go? Here we are, a week since Halloween and now just 3 short weeks until we celebrate my absolute favorite holiday, Thanksgiving.

The last time I posted was a day of unbelievable grief, confusion and utter pain. The few weeks following Caitie's passing were so incredibly difficult. Thanks to a wonderfully close family and great friends, I have slowly found my way out of the dark days right after. Shortly after losing her, I started thinking of ways I could make sure she was never forgotten (not that we will ever forget those precious 7 months). First I have decided to get a tattoo. I am going to have to wait till I have the extra money for it, but eventually it will happen. It will be a daisy with 7 petals (for her 7 months of life). I have actually designed what I want. Now please keep in mind, I am in no way an artist and I will be looking for someone to take my rough sketch and clean it up a little bit but this will give you an idea.

The weekend after Caitie's funeral, I was able to escape for a few days. I was off to Florida to visit friends and see my 3 week old "nephew" Gabe. Spent some time with all my Florida kids and some time at the beach as well. It was a real fun weekend.

The rest of September was really just spent trying to muck through life and grieving. October started off a great month really. The first weekend we took Libby to Anderson Farms and played and picked some pumpkins. My friend Linda and her little boy Mason (who is just a couple weeks younger than Libby) joined us for the day. It was a fun day.

I have been attending a Thursday night young adults group for a few months now and I had never really gotten to know anyone. I decided to step out of my comfort zone and decided to join them on the ladies retreat. Once I made a connection with someone, I really started to get to know others. I went to a movie with group of them, went to a party and then had the privilege of spending a weekend with 9 other girls in Silverthorne and really getting to know them. It was a great time and I am looking forward to building friendships with them all. (sorry, some of the pictures are kinda small on here but I had to pull them off FB as they aren't all my pics).

The end of October brought our first big snow storm of the season. We had somewhere between 2 and 3 feet of snow at the house that's what happens when it snow for 50+ hours straight). I love it. The snow is pretty much gone now with the exception of the piles left by plows and the little bits that are in areas that are always shaded. We were setting record highs less than a week after the snow. Typical Colorado...

On November 2nd, I got to meet The Pioneer Woman. If you don't read her blog, you should (http://www.thepioneerwoman.com/). It's hilarious. She wrote a cookbook and she was here for a signing. There were a TON of people there and I had to wait 2+ hours for my turn. I have already cooked a meal from it for the family (with the help of my cousin). They liked it so much, they "hired" us to cook a meal for them once a month. I got to thinking, doesn't "hire" imply payment??? I will have to have a talk with them... ;-)

(The roast before it was put in the oven to cook, it was just so pretty, I had to get a pic)

Now to look forward to the things I have planned for the next 9 months. Not everything is set in stone but they are at least possibilities to look forward to.

-Thanksgiving. I love this holiday. Just spending time with family enjoying a wonderful meal. No rushing around, buying gifts for everyone... just family and giving thanks for all the blessings God has bestowed upon us this last year. This year will be difficult because we will be missing one very important member of the family but we can still give thanks for the time we had her with us.

-I have numerous Christmas parties before Christmas and actually have to decide between a couple on the same night.

-Christmas!!!!

-Cruise to Mexico! I will be taking a cruise with my parents for my birthday. I will have a blog set up for that as well. Look for it!

-The end of March will find my best friend Dawn out here in Colorado! It is my birthday gift to her, and to be honest, it is a gift for me as well. It will be just her coming out (wish I could fly the whole family out though). We will spend the weekend together and will close it out with a night of theater. Mary Poppins is in Denver and we have tickets! It will be so much fun!

-At the end of May, I am going to a conference. It's the Set-Apart Girl conference. I am looking forward to it and will let you know more about it later.

-The week after the conference, I hope to make it out for a visit with friends. Don't know if it will be Florida or not. We will see where God moves between then and now.

-July may bring me to Indianapolis with Ashlee and Libby in tow. We will be able to visit family and friends out there and I am looking forward to the possibility.

-There will be many more plans made between now and then. This is my life right now.

I have a few more pictures I want to share but this post is plenty long already. Will save those for another day.

How Do You Say Goodbye?

Vacation Spots

So over at Kelly's Korner, she has asked us to share our favorite vacation spots. While I haven't participated much in the past, vacation is something I know a thing or two about. The hard part is coming up with my favorite spot, or even just a couple. So I am just going to share a few here, in no particular order here they are:

Anywhere you will find these kiddos and their parents. Right now it happens to be Daytona Beach, FLMe, J and C at the beach~ it was just a bit windy and cloudy that day.

Disney World~ The Happiest Place on Earth.

Meeting Minnie at Mickey's Very Merry Christmas Party

Cinderella's Castle lit up at Christmas

Glenwood Springs, CO ~ Been going here my entire life.

Hawaii ~ I took a cruise around the islands and it was wonderful!!!!

Sunrise at Haleakala Crater on Maui

Waves breaking on the Big Island of Hawai'i

Napali Coast ~ Kauai

Me at Waimea Canyon ~ Kauai

Ireland

Blarney Castle

Kissing the Blarney Stone

Waterville

San Francisco





There are so many more I could show you... Savannah, GA; NYC; Washington, DC; Caribbean islands. I guess you could say my favorite vacation destination is the World!

I Let Go

Anxiety has been overwhelming me for the last 7 months. While I have done an okay job of masking it (at times there was just no containing it) it has truly been affecting me in my daily life. From being distracted and unproductive at work, to worrying about it on a daily basis, to feeling like I was failing, my life has been overcome with it. I was gong to explain where the anxiety was focused but just thinking about it, stresses me out. Let's just say, it has to do with these two little ladies:



Let's just say that they don't have the most upstanding of parents. Dad uses them as pawns in his games, Mom, while I do believe she loves them, really would rather be out partying and having fun than to be home taking care of them and spending time with them. To give you an idea, mothers day: She has them since it is MOTHER'S DAY... she leaves them with my grandparents and goes out so her friends can take her out for dinner for mother's day. I know it isn't just me, that thinks that is messed up. Anyway, for the majority of the year, I was worried sick about them and where they were going to be and there was NOTHING I could do, except pray. And I know that is huge, but when you want to get up and physically do something
(or knock someone upside the head) it makes it really hard to give the situation over to God.

Things were getting really bad for me just before I went on my trip in May. I decided that while, I was gone, I wouldn't think about the bad aspects of the situation at all. For the most part, I didn't. For 2 weeks, I focused on my friends and myself. I enjoyed my trip. Although I did miss those two girls terribly (went a month without seeing them and THAT was rough). The break did me good. Shortly after I returned, I finally told my cousin (Mom) that I was sick and tired of her saying she was going to do something and then doing NOTHING. She didn't fight, she didn't care and it ticked me off!!! And I let her know that too. After, that, I decided, that I wasn't going to worry about it. I can't worry about it. I let go and Let GOD. All I can do is PRAY. And I have been doing a lot of that for them. Even though the divorce and custody is all finished, things can change, quick. I pray for their safety when they are with dad, I don't trust him and it scares the heck out of me to know that he is "responsible" for them. When they are with mom, they are living at my grandparents and I know for a fact they are safe there. But when they are with dad, I pray that God will protect them and that they will always know that they are loved by so many. If you feel it on your heart to pray for them, those prayers would be appreciated and I know God will hear them.

Show Us Where You Live

I haven't been participating in this but when I saw that it was bathrooms, I actually wanted to jump in here. I redid my bathroom recently and I love it so much that I actually love to share it. The color is a little extreme but LOVE it. I still have to do the floor, I want to tile it but that is a cost that I decided to wait to spend. I actually started with the shower curtain and went from there. My friends in Florida gave me the little guy on the counter as a gift (it was a bunch of stuff to make me think of the beach here in landlocked Colorado) and I thought I would complete the look and have a couple. On the wall that isn't shown, I used robe hooks in place of a towel rod. It's so much easier than the rod. I have a canvas painting I picked up in the Caribbean that I want to get stretched and framed that I plan on hanging above the hooks. Enjoy!