Update

I was just looking over my blog and noticed that I haven't posted about some of the things that have been happening. Things were a little hectic there for a little while. First I will start with the really good news. I have a new baby cousin!!! Aidan became a big brother on July 20th. I haven't seen Liam yet though... My aunts father passed away the day after he was born, I wasn't able to make it to the funeral because of work. My mom and I are planning on going over to see them all in a couple weeks though. I have some pictures but I am having problems getting the downloaded tonight. Try to get some up tomorrow... or soon anyway because he is adorable!

Then there's Libby (for those of you who don't know, Libby is my cousins little girl but I adore her and spoil her like she is my own)... they had a custody hearing a couple weeks ago. J gets visitation on Mondays and on Saturday afternoons as long as arrangements are made ahead of time. I have not talked to my aunt about how things went last Monday and he should have her again tomorrow. I will try to get in touch with my aunt this week. I can't believe that she is going to be 7 months old on Saturday! WOW!

Isn't She Beautiful

Spent all day Saturday with Libby. I love that girl so much. She is hard to get a picture of though. I am dying to get a picture of her smile, but she gets so serious when you have the camera out. I finally got this shot of her. I will have her all day this Saturday too. Maybe I will get some more pictures then. Here is the beauty queen...

Libby

I got to see Libby Jo on Saturday and got this really cute picture of her. I should be with her all day this coming Saturday (and hopefully meet up with my friend L and her son M, he is 19 days younger than Libby) so I hope to have a bunch more pictures then. Here is one for now.

A

Well, I meant to write this post a week ago but time got away from me. My lunch with A was nice. I think it is definately a step in the right direction to heal our relationship. Oh, and can I just say, Libby Jo is the cutest little baby girl. I miss her... I am hoping to try to make our lunches at least a monthly thing... that is until A leaves for the military and wherever that may take her... I only wish that we were closer before she was making this big change. There are still some things pending with her and I am still going to ask everyone to pray for her to make the right choices in the next few months.

Happy Happy Easter (a Little Late)

Hope everyone had a very happy Easter! Mine was very good. After church Sunday morning, we went to my grandparents for lunch. The whole family was there (eventually). Everyone except my cousins A and J were there for lunch. A made it a bit later in the afternoon, and she brought Libby Jo (see previous post for pictures of the cutie), and J had to work so he didn't show up until later in the evening, but it was really nice to be able to see him again. We don't get to see eachother very often, so it is always nice when we get the chance. Seeing A was really great. Our relationship has been very strained for the last few years. Libby Jo was born in January (until Sunday, I had only seen her once) and I hadn't seen A since Thanksgiving. She and I got a chance to have casual conversation, which is much more than we have had in a few years. I think we really made a jump when she suggested that we have lunch this week (I work only a couple blocks from where she lives). So we (A, Libby Jo and I) have a lunch date on Wednesday and I am really looking forward to it. Also, I am finally working on getting all 5 of us grandkids (and the new great grandbaby) together for a portrait. There is a bit of a scheduling challenge (it's either in the next 2 weeks or not until the end of August) but we will eventually get it together. I hope to get a nice print from this, have it framed and give it to our grandparents for Christmas. I am going to end this post now, with a couple prayer requests. First my cousin J is having surgery on his shoulder in a couple weeks, please pray that his shoulder can be fixed and that he will have fast healing. Also, A is facing some life changing decisions in the next 6 weeks or so. Pray that she will choose the right path and that those of us who love her can help and support her through these changes.

Libby Jo

Just got some pictures today of Libby... Wanted to share them.

Birthday

Happy 76th Birthday Grandma "Shorts" (with Grandpa)

I also wanted to add this picture in here. This is me when I was 8 with my grandparents puppy Maj.... Yeah, she's a puppy here. They also later got another Newfie and her name was Ida. They have both been gone for some time now. My Grandma gave us this picture at Christmas.

Contemplation

Well, Thanksgiving went okay... My cousin was there along with her
boyfriend. Turns out she is 7 months along already. Thursday was
uncomfortable with her and J there. On Friday we all were back at the
grandparents for leftovers and she was there without J. Much better and
laid back. After we ate, we were all sitting there and talking. A started
talking about how she and J had discussed adoption for the baby. I just sat
there and listened. You can tell that she is not sure if that is what path
she wants to take with this baby, and J obviously is leaning toward that.

Today I was talking to my friend about it and she asked if they had
considered a family adoption... meaning me. I have thought about it a bit.
But there are a few things to consider. First the baby is only 2 months
away and that is not much time to prepare, second, I don't know how
receptive she would be to me adopting the baby (we were not on the best of
terms the last time we talked), and third, I would be very concerned that
she and J would change their minds and I would lose the baby to them. I
don't know if I could handle that. But I can't stop thinking about it!! I
don't know if I should put out feelers to other family members (her mom and
dad or our grandparents) to see what their take is on it, or if I should
just step back away from it and hope that they make the right decision and
place the baby with a family and leave it at that. I don't know....

Today is a struggle for Me

I am sitting here at work in complete shock and can't even think about work, even though I have a pile of it sitting on my desk. The really bad thing is that I am in shock over something that I knew was inevitable one day. I was just talking to my grandpa about Thanksgiving dinner and he informed me that my cousin A would be there and that he thought we should know something before we got there... A is pregnant....

I guess a bit of background on A would be appropriate here for anyone who may stumble upon this...

She is my cousin who I would define as the "blacksheep" of the family. It was not this way until a couple years ago. Half way through her senior year of HS, she ran off to live with her 'boyfriend' whom no one had met. Rather than living with him and not be married, they ran off the court house and got married. Mind you she is 18 and still supposed to be in school. Well, she finally ends up moving back in with her parents and finishes school. She moves back in with her now husband to only have him kick her out a few weeks later. She moves back home, and then joins the Army. She is at bootcamp for I think a total of 2 weeks before they send her home because she is not adjusting. She then proceeds to move in with a guy, J, who she met while she was enlisting. She is still married to the previous guy and this new guy is married with a baby on the way. At one point she moves in with the grandparents and they attempt to help her get her life straightened out.... she can't hold a job and she ends up back with J. In all this there are some extenuating medical issues etc which I will not delve into here. In the meantime, as far as I know, she is still legally married to the first guy (they can't afford a divorce because neither of them can hold a job for any amount of time). J had attempted to enlist in the Army only to be turned down because he had a pending felony check fraud charge. So now she is pregnant...

I knew this would happen and I would always think about how I would handle this and here it is and I don't know what to say. I know a lot of things I want to say but I know they are inappropriate and unnecessary. However, all I can think is how is she shouldn't have a baby because she can't even take care of herself let alone a child. That is what keeps going through my mind, not, how can I reach out to her and try to help her (whether she would accept or not), which, I know, is how I should handle this situation. I am sick to my stomach over this and I am not sure what aspect of this bothers me more. Is it the fact that the lifestyle she has chosen is not the ideal situation to raise a child in and in my line of work, I have seen many situations like this where a child is living, and it all manifests itself in a negative situation for the child? Is it the fact that since all these things with her blew up, she has been unwilling to accept a true offer of assistance to get her life in order, and follow through on it, from ANYONE? Is it the fact that I have not been able to forgive her for the way she has treated our family with such disregard, regardless of all the hurt and worry she has put us through over the last few years (whether she asks for forgiveness or not, I know that the right thing is for me to forgive her anyway and I have been struggling with this for some time. It is a battle I fight frequently, I trust (too) easily and then when someone betrays that trust, I have a hard time forgiving and trusting again)? Or is there a bit of jealousy there on my part, she is just 21, and is going to be a parent, something which I personally doubt she is prepared for emotionally or financially and then there is me, about to turn 28 in a couple months, and ALL I have EVER wanted in my life is to be a mom (the fact that I have not accomplished the one thing I want in my life is something that I have been dealing with and considering for about a year now. I am actually seriously considering adopting in a few years if I am still single and childless by then, but I think this news has just "rubbed it in" (for the lack of a better term)? I am leaning toward the latter two facts, and I think that I am having a hard time dealing with the fact that these are my issues that I need to deal with, not something that I can blame on her. I can lay blame no where but on myself which makes it that much more difficult to deal with.

Visit From the Past

When I was a little kid we had a dear family friend who was here from Africa going to college. He had come to our church for worship and fellowship and that is how we met him. He lived here for a few years and he was a true part of our family. When he was finished with school, he returned home to Zaire (now known as the Congo). He eventually moved his family to South Africa. That was 25 years ago. He is still living in South Africa and we have seen him twice in the last 12 years. He was here in 1994 and he was here on Friday night.

It was great to see him and to talk to him. At the end of the night, we were saying our goodbyes and he invited me to come visit in South Africa sometime. I am actually very excited about the idea. It would be neat to travel to a different country and know someone who lives there. So for now, I am dreaming of traveling to South Africa....