Friday's Feast

I saw this on another blog one day awhile ago and thought I would give it a try. It would give me something to write if I had nothing else. I had actually kind of forgotten about it until today. So here it goes.

Appetizer:
Have you ever flown a helicopter?
No... but I would be up for it if given the opportunity. I've never even been in one but I would not hesitate at that either.

Soup:
What color is your warmest coat or jacket?
Yellow and Black, and I got to wear it today as it was only 3 degrees out this morning... brrrr.

Salad:
What is your favorite rainy day activity?
I like to sit and watch it rain... if it is in fact actually raining. If it is just cold I like to curl up in my bed under all the blankets and either watch a good movie or read a good book.

Main Course:
Describe your hands--
Plain, I rarely wear jewelry. I have one knuckle that is swollen from arthritis, the rest of my fingers are fairly small although not tiny... I sometimes look at them and think they look old (aside from the arthritis), but then other days, not so much.

Dessert:
If you could only eat one nut for the rest of your life, what nut would you pick?
Walnut... they give me the warm a fuzzy feeling of a good memory with my great grandmother.

A Hug Can Brighten Up Your Day

I don't think I need to add anything to this....

Contemplation

Well, Thanksgiving went okay... My cousin was there along with her
boyfriend. Turns out she is 7 months along already. Thursday was
uncomfortable with her and J there. On Friday we all were back at the
grandparents for leftovers and she was there without J. Much better and
laid back. After we ate, we were all sitting there and talking. A started
talking about how she and J had discussed adoption for the baby. I just sat
there and listened. You can tell that she is not sure if that is what path
she wants to take with this baby, and J obviously is leaning toward that.

Today I was talking to my friend about it and she asked if they had
considered a family adoption... meaning me. I have thought about it a bit.
But there are a few things to consider. First the baby is only 2 months
away and that is not much time to prepare, second, I don't know how
receptive she would be to me adopting the baby (we were not on the best of
terms the last time we talked), and third, I would be very concerned that
she and J would change their minds and I would lose the baby to them. I
don't know if I could handle that. But I can't stop thinking about it!! I
don't know if I should put out feelers to other family members (her mom and
dad or our grandparents) to see what their take is on it, or if I should
just step back away from it and hope that they make the right decision and
place the baby with a family and leave it at that. I don't know....

Today is a struggle for Me

I am sitting here at work in complete shock and can't even think about work, even though I have a pile of it sitting on my desk. The really bad thing is that I am in shock over something that I knew was inevitable one day. I was just talking to my grandpa about Thanksgiving dinner and he informed me that my cousin A would be there and that he thought we should know something before we got there... A is pregnant....

I guess a bit of background on A would be appropriate here for anyone who may stumble upon this...

She is my cousin who I would define as the "blacksheep" of the family. It was not this way until a couple years ago. Half way through her senior year of HS, she ran off to live with her 'boyfriend' whom no one had met. Rather than living with him and not be married, they ran off the court house and got married. Mind you she is 18 and still supposed to be in school. Well, she finally ends up moving back in with her parents and finishes school. She moves back in with her now husband to only have him kick her out a few weeks later. She moves back home, and then joins the Army. She is at bootcamp for I think a total of 2 weeks before they send her home because she is not adjusting. She then proceeds to move in with a guy, J, who she met while she was enlisting. She is still married to the previous guy and this new guy is married with a baby on the way. At one point she moves in with the grandparents and they attempt to help her get her life straightened out.... she can't hold a job and she ends up back with J. In all this there are some extenuating medical issues etc which I will not delve into here. In the meantime, as far as I know, she is still legally married to the first guy (they can't afford a divorce because neither of them can hold a job for any amount of time). J had attempted to enlist in the Army only to be turned down because he had a pending felony check fraud charge. So now she is pregnant...

I knew this would happen and I would always think about how I would handle this and here it is and I don't know what to say. I know a lot of things I want to say but I know they are inappropriate and unnecessary. However, all I can think is how is she shouldn't have a baby because she can't even take care of herself let alone a child. That is what keeps going through my mind, not, how can I reach out to her and try to help her (whether she would accept or not), which, I know, is how I should handle this situation. I am sick to my stomach over this and I am not sure what aspect of this bothers me more. Is it the fact that the lifestyle she has chosen is not the ideal situation to raise a child in and in my line of work, I have seen many situations like this where a child is living, and it all manifests itself in a negative situation for the child? Is it the fact that since all these things with her blew up, she has been unwilling to accept a true offer of assistance to get her life in order, and follow through on it, from ANYONE? Is it the fact that I have not been able to forgive her for the way she has treated our family with such disregard, regardless of all the hurt and worry she has put us through over the last few years (whether she asks for forgiveness or not, I know that the right thing is for me to forgive her anyway and I have been struggling with this for some time. It is a battle I fight frequently, I trust (too) easily and then when someone betrays that trust, I have a hard time forgiving and trusting again)? Or is there a bit of jealousy there on my part, she is just 21, and is going to be a parent, something which I personally doubt she is prepared for emotionally or financially and then there is me, about to turn 28 in a couple months, and ALL I have EVER wanted in my life is to be a mom (the fact that I have not accomplished the one thing I want in my life is something that I have been dealing with and considering for about a year now. I am actually seriously considering adopting in a few years if I am still single and childless by then, but I think this news has just "rubbed it in" (for the lack of a better term)? I am leaning toward the latter two facts, and I think that I am having a hard time dealing with the fact that these are my issues that I need to deal with, not something that I can blame on her. I can lay blame no where but on myself which makes it that much more difficult to deal with.

Soundtrack of My Life

I just played this game that I got from another blog, and I thought I would
see what it gave me. Try it out.... it will have you laughing too. Here is
what you do:

1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that�s playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don�t lie and try to pretend you�re cool�

Opening Credits: Didn't You Know How Much I Loved You - Kellie Pickler
Waking Up: When Love Comes Down - Point of Grace (oops... I have Christmas
songs in here too)
First Day At School: The Lady Is a Tramp - Frank Sinatra
Falling In Love: So Says I - The Shins
Fight Song: Just a Kiss - Steve Holy
Breaking Up: Ol' 55 - The Eagles
Prom: You Rescued Me - Jamie O'Neal
Life: Whenever You Remember - Carrie Underwood
Mental Breakdown: To Be With You - Jamie O'Neal
Driving: Under the Weather - KT Tunstall
Flashback: Nice N Easy - Frank Sinatra
Getting Back Together: The Hunger - Steve Holy
Wedding: Where I Began - Caedmon's Call
Birth of Child: Hearts In Celestial Union - Gandalf (came on the computer,
it's a little strange)
Final Battle: Before He Cheats - Carrie Underwood
Death Scene: (There's Gotta Be) More to Life - Stacie Orrico
Funeral Song: If I Was Jesus - Toby Keith
End Credits: One Day Closer to You - Carolyn Dawn Johnson

To be honest, I was a bit disappointed in this. I was hoping more of them
would be more fit for what part of my "life" they were associated. I wonder
what it would come out if I tried it one more time.....

Opening Credits: You're Gonna Miss Me When I'm Gone - Brooks and Dunn
Waking Up: I Just Can't Live a Lie - Carrie Underwood
First Day At School: Talk to Me - Lee Ann Womack
Falling In Love: When You Get To Me - Lee Ann Womack
Fight Song: (I Love You) For Sentimental Reasons - Nat King Cole
Breaking Up: Something Worth Leaving Behind - Lee Ann Womack
Prom: You're Not Alone Tonight - Keith Urban
Life: Good Together (Bucket and Chicken) - SheDAISY
Mental Breakdown: Song For Dad - Keith Urban
Driving: She's My Kind of Rain - Tim McGraw
Flashback: Take It Easy - The Eagles
Getting Back Together: Sweet - Toby Keith
Wedding: The Next Time You Go - Eugene Edwards
Birth of Child: I've Got the World on a String - Frank Sinatra
Final Battle: Lie To Me - Pushmonkey (not my kind of music, came on the
computer)
Death Scene: When We Are One - Gabriel Mann
Funeral Song: Is That a Tear - Tracy Lawrence
End Credits: Where We Belong - Jamie O'Neal

Okay, so it wasn't much better the second time around. Maybe it will work
better for others.

30 Questions

I love these things where you get to answer questions about yourself. As
cheesy as they may seem, I think some of them can really make people think
about things and you could really learn something about yourself with them.
So here I go with another one.

1) What side of the heart do you draw first? Right

2) Can you dive without plugging your nose? Nope.

3) What color is your razor? Blue

4) What is your blood-type? B (don't know whether it's positive or negative)

5) Who would you want to be tied to for 24 hours? I don't think I could take
24 hours tied to anyone. I am really anal about my "personal space"

6) What is a rumor someone has spread about you? I don't know that I have
ever heard one.

7) How do you feel about carrots? I will eat them raw (cooked ones are
slimy)

8) How many chairs at the dining room table? 4, although the dining room
table is only used for craft projects or wrapping gifts.

9) Which is the best spice girl? Don't even remember all their names.

10) Do you know what time it is? Bedtime

11) Do you know all the words to the Fresh Prince song? Well this is a story
all about how my life got flipped turned upside down...

12) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator? If I was by myself
or just a couple people I already knew, I would be okay, otherwise I might
freak out.

13) Whats your favorite kind of gum? I like all kinds. I do really like
watermelon though.

14)T or F: Alls fair in love and war. False

15) Do you have a crush on anyone? Someone at work, but in case anyone I
work with were to stumble across this, I am not going to name names. There
was this guy who I used to work with who I was absolutley crazy about and
one of my co-workers found out about it and sunk her nails into him. That
co-worker is a whole other post in and of itself and maybe I will take the
time to put that down here sometime.

16) Do you know how to use some words correctly, but not know the meaning?
If I don't know what it means, I don't use it.

17) Do you like to sleep? I LOVE to sleep!

18) Do you know which US states don't use Daylight Savings? Arizona, and
Indiana (don't know if there are any others)

19) Do you know the song Total Eclipse of the Heart? A little before my
time.

20) Do you want a bright yellow 06 mustang? That would be fun. I like the
new retro design and yellow is my favorite color.

21) What's something you've always wanted? A child.

22) Do you have hairy legs? It's winter, do you really think I would waste
my time on shaving my legs when no one sees them except me?

24) Would you rather swim in the ocean or a lake? Neither. Lakes give me
the eebie jeebies, and I have a seriously irrational fear of sharks.

25) Do you wear a lot of black? I think I wear a moderate amount.

26) Describe your hair. Just above my shoulders and drives me crazy because
it flys in my face.

27) Do you have Entomophobia? Do I have WHAT!? (see question 16)

28) Are you an adult? I at least pretend that I am

29) Where are your best friends? Florida, about 2000 miles away from me,
not close enough.

30) Do you have a tan? I never have a tan.

31) Are you a television addict? My name is R and I am a tvholic.

32) Do you enjoy spending time with your mother? I better, I am going to be
on a cruise ship with her in the same room for a week.

33) Are you a sugar freak? Yep

34) Do you like orange juice? I like it although I don't drink it a lot. I
am partial to apple juice.

35) What sign are you? Capricorn

36) What color is your Cell Phone? Black

37) Where do you wish you were right now? Paris

Misc. Thoughts

I don't really have some deep contemplative writings to put down here. Just a few thoughts that cross my mind on a pretty regular basis:

-- How can people do such horrible things to others. This is such a terribly tragic story that you can feel your heart drop when you hear it.

-- I want to go to Europe. I say this A LOT!!! I really do want to go. As much as I really can't afford it right now, I am going to do everything in my power to make it happen this year. I had been thinking about taking 3 weeks or so in a couple years and spend it over there, but the more I think about it, the less I want to wait. Maybe if I go see Paris and London this year, I can see some other places when I go in a couple years.

-- I miss my friends terribly. They live in Florida and I can't be there nearly as much as I want to be. Maybe I can make a long weekend in January.

-- Is it time for my cruise yet? We have our plane tickets to fly down to Florida. Got them for a steal. Less than $250 for both my mom and I, round trip, non-stop! My travel agent was even amazed.

-- Christmas will be here before we know it. Thanksgiving is less than 2 weeks away. I have my shopping started (what I haven't done, I have no idea what I am going to get). I will hopefully have my stuff for my cards this week, so I can get them done while I am housesitting the week of Thanksgiving.