Contemplation

Well, Thanksgiving went okay... My cousin was there along with her
boyfriend. Turns out she is 7 months along already. Thursday was
uncomfortable with her and J there. On Friday we all were back at the
grandparents for leftovers and she was there without J. Much better and
laid back. After we ate, we were all sitting there and talking. A started
talking about how she and J had discussed adoption for the baby. I just sat
there and listened. You can tell that she is not sure if that is what path
she wants to take with this baby, and J obviously is leaning toward that.

Today I was talking to my friend about it and she asked if they had
considered a family adoption... meaning me. I have thought about it a bit.
But there are a few things to consider. First the baby is only 2 months
away and that is not much time to prepare, second, I don't know how
receptive she would be to me adopting the baby (we were not on the best of
terms the last time we talked), and third, I would be very concerned that
she and J would change their minds and I would lose the baby to them. I
don't know if I could handle that. But I can't stop thinking about it!! I
don't know if I should put out feelers to other family members (her mom and
dad or our grandparents) to see what their take is on it, or if I should
just step back away from it and hope that they make the right decision and
place the baby with a family and leave it at that. I don't know....